For as long as I can remember
I have been a dreamer. Not meaning the reach for great things dreamer, oh, no,
no, I mean while you are sleeping vivid, emotion filled, gut wrenching, heart
racing, dreams. These are the big time.
So, for whatever reason, this time I choose to blame daylight
savings, I had one of these dreams just the other night.
Here’s the highlight reel.
All was right in the world. Brandon and I had been to some pretty
sketchy areas around the South Side. By what we saw our hearts were
simultaneously saddened by the extreme evil around, re-energized with a passion
for our mission to love people while telling them about Jesus, and we felt
great compassion.
Suddenly, you know how dreams are, we were running into some old
friends and they wanted a group picture. (Random detail we were standing on the
street corner at an intersection right across from a hospital.) I backed up
several hundred feet to snap the picture. Out of nowhere a man walks up the
group pulls out his gun and shoots Brandon who was standing on the edge right
in the chest.
Enter awesome dream effect here where Brandon is suddenly
collapsed on the ground at my feet and the others are running to our aid. The
gunman acts like he’s going to shoot me but then leaves the area. I’m in
medical save him mode, shouting orders for so and so to call 9-1-1. It
was all in vain though and before the ambulance even arrived I had accepted the
fact that Brandon was dead. I held him in my arms and wept from my innermost
person over the loss. I could feel the physical pain my heart was experiencing
deep inside.
It just so happens this all takes place on a Wednesday and after
they take Brandon away, I’m still emotional but able to keep my composure
somewhat as I now switch gears to my logistical self. My top priorities
included calling Chris Brewster to let him know he was going to have to handle
Flood class for students alone. Next up was Pastor Jerry, he was going to need
to step up to get replacement help at the church. Of course, I needed to let
the family know. And I couldn't forget the call to our
insurance agent because I was going to get a killer life insurance check. I
sighed a bit of relief thinking about the fact that I could also file for
serious AFLAC money because this was an accident. Yay!
Next up was the funeral and the dream gods saw to it that I didn't experience
the planning of the funeral but skipped straight to the day of.
It was a packed house. People who love our family and
those whose lives had been touched in even some small way by Brandon’s life. I
gave a heartfelt eulogy. “Although by many standards it seems this great
life has been cut terribly short. We can say about Brandon’s life what many
cannot say after many more years of living. Brandon made every day count for
the advancement of the Kingdom. He looked up to many Godly men as role models
and early in our marriage he said to me “Rachael, they are so kingdom minded! I
want to be like that.” You were Kingdom minded My Love, You were!"
"Brandon cared about you” I went on, “He was willing to tell you the truth
even if it wasn’t always what you wanted to hear. He prayed for you even when
you didn’t know. He cheered you on and pulled for you….especially some of you
young men….” I shared with passion how Brandon’s greatest concern was for the
condition of their souls and I pleaded with them to examine the condition of
their heart. Even those who were already saved I gave the request for them to
make the choice to live their life Kingdom minded.
I was incredibly, seriously, emotionally invested in
this dream. It was hard core!
It was one of the best dreams I've ever had. To have
the feeling of honor, and pleasure, and pride, and gratitude of being able to
live life with someone as their teammate and you realize how passionately, indescribably,
deeply you love and treasure your spouse and the void that would be left behind
should death do you part. Then you wake up. It was all a dream and you get to
keep living life with the one you so deeply love.
I rolled over,
and snuggled closer letting my arm fall around him, well aware of how much I
care for Brandon. Sometimes I forget. Life happens and we disagree or let each
other down. I for one, was grateful for the reminder of truly how blessed I am!
And then, as a sign of my love I got out of bed and got ready for church and failed to bring
Brandon the breakfast burrito he requested and I promised. :) Now I’m hoping he
gets one of these reminder dreams about me! Ha!
As to why I had the dream in the first place I have
no idea! But, Brandon celebrated another birthday on the 31st of
October and my reminiscing of life with him has been good!
Here's to many many more!
