'Tis so Sweet!

I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been. Our first born came 7 days early and 5 days before the due date our second born made her debut. Here we are, due date quickly approaching, just a few more days. I feel like a time bomb with a count- down timer. Will it explode at zero or will there be an empty sounding click as nothing happens when the time “runs out”?  Although I am so ready to hold this little man in my arms and kiss his cheeks there has been a certain peace that has come with each passing day as I wait.
 

This pregnancy has been quite the emotional journey for me. The Lord and I have had many talks about this whole baby #3 thing. See, I am what some of you would call…well, stupid. J Both of my prior pregnancies I have had “natural” deliveries -meaning no epidural. (Side Note: I am not against epidurals for other people. In fact there may be a day, could even be this time, which I choose to get an epidural. I just personally, for me, haven’t had a peace about it yet. But I am totally ok with, never for a second judge, and am even happy for all women who do get epidurals. Ok, side note over.)

With my first pregnancy my labor was fine. Yes, painful but completely manageable and even what I would describe as a great birth experience. My second pregnancy the labor and delivery were difficult - an unpleasant experience- with a much greater level of pain than I occurred during birth experience #1. Something I wasn’t just jumping up and down to experience again. So when I got pregnant this time I really was torn rather or not the epidural was for me. And thus the inward battle began, as well as the long conversations with my Lord on the subject matter.

 

As I was reading in the Book of Numbers the Lord gave a clear mental picture/comparison for me of the fear the children of Israel felt as they were afraid to face the giants of the land.

My Giant was the fear of battling labor.

The story continues and the leaders encourage those who were letting fear hold them back from receiving a greater good by saying “…the Lord is with us. Do not fear them! (the giants)” (Numbers 14:9)

 

Unfortunately this story ends with the people missing out. They had fear, they lacked trust, and in turn they saw no reward.

Of course the verses always are great such as “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13” But this time around I needed verses about fear. 

Many times my conversations looked something like this:

“…I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we may boldly say: THE LORD IS MY HELPER; I WILL NOT FEAR. WHAT CAN MAN DO TO ME?” Man can cause great pain, that’s what man can do to me! My inward self battled.

“…Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Even to face the giants? Again I would argue - yes even to face the giants!

Fear. Peace. Fear. Peace. The cycle has continued for weeks. Then through the journey I find surrender and trust equaling lasting peace. “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

So, as I wait, ready to meet my little man I can’t help but see all that the Lord has taught me through this journey. As my spirit has calmed, my faith has grown, now my journey continues. I haven’t overcome the “Giants” that await me yet but I have taken the first step of trusting in a perfect God’s, perfect design and as He leads (even if that is to having an epidural) I will follow so that I may have the reward that awaits me.

 In the early morning hours I found myself awake. Just thinking and soaking up the movements of life within me. In the quiet darkness of the room a smile crept across my face as the words to this old hymn came to mind

 

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

 
Yes, I can trust Him. Not only through the uncertainties of what labor and delivery will hold but every day as life takes its course.

Through the exhaustion of sleepless nights… I can trust Him!

Through parenting…I can trust Him!

Through loss and pain…I can trust Him!

No matter what…I can trust Him! Oh, for grace to trust him more!

There is no question in my mind that through this pregnancy I have walked through the refiner’s fire. Am I excited about the pain of labor and delivery? Not really. But I am at peace about it and I will trust Him through each breath, each second, which will result in each contraction. I will face the giants I see in the land. I will run the race set before me. I will trust the God who supplies all my needs. I will let His strength be made perfect in my weakness. I will not lose heart. I will allow my shepherded to lead the way. Ahhh, peace.

Isaiah 40:11
“He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.”

What a perfect thought!